Turns out I did know her, I just didn't realize she was mine the first time I saw her
Quite a while ago my husband and I started sponsoring children at the Philip Hayden Foundation. We thought this was such an amazing organization and it was always so wonderful to see those smiles from the children who lived there. You could tell they are loved immensely.
While looking through pictures of the new children I came across a little girl who caught my eye. While there were others who were adorable and smiley bugs, this one in particular made my heart pound a little faster and so I emailed to see who this was, what her story was and did she need a sponsor. Remember, at this point we were in pre-adoption stage. There was no thought of bringing another child into our hearts and our home. We were quite content with a 7 and 9 year old and the thought of starting over with a toddler was rather daunting. And yet, while I say that now, there was this underlying feeling of something missing from our lives that I just couldn't put my finger on.
I received an email back saying the little girl was named Susan and that she was matched. I was so excited for her. But when I went to bed that night, I sobbed. For hours. It was as though I had lost a family member, my best friend
We eventually decided to pursue a SN adoption from China. A friend sent me the link to the shared list and asked if I had seen it yet. Out of curiousity I logged on. There were 988 children total on the shared list that night. Some were beautiful, some were adorable, some were heart breaking. None were my daughter. But then number 586 caught my eye for some reason. I went to bed that night thinking about her. The next night I logged back on and went back to #586. And again the next night. And the next. For 2 whole weeks I went back to that picture, the whole time wondering why. Finally I contacted our agency about her, asked for her information. I was just curious about her.
Our agency sent me her information the next afternoon and that night I showed Andy her information. We said it at the same time. "This is our child". All that day I had been pacing the house, waiting for him to get home. I couldn't share this with the children because I didn't want to get their hopes up if this wasn't the one. So I paced and waited and called him. Repeatedly. I remember seeing that smile and just knowing she was ours. I remember seeing the short, boy cut hair. The mismatched clothing. And thinking she was the most beautiful little girl in the world.
About a week after we locked our daughter's file, our agency called me and asked: "What foundation are you involved with? The one that you sponsor children through?"
Me: "Shepard's Field."
Agency: "That isn't it."
Me: "The Philip Hayden Foundation?"
Agency: "That's the one! Your daughter is at the Philip Hayden Foundation."
Me: "She is? Is she new? I know every child at Shepard's Field and she isn't there."
Agency: "She was there as of May 2009."
Me: "Maybe she went back to the orphanage?"
Agency: "Maybe, but I doubt it."
While still on the phone with our agency I started frantically going through pictures until I came to the one picture that changed my life for good. That one picture that I had inquired about so many months before. The picture that now made me realize my reaction to that email. This photo was of my daughter. Susan. My heart knew months ago that this was my daughter.
We are leaving in January to bring home our precious girl! You can read more about our adventure on our blog http://followingtheredthreadtoscarlett.blogspot.com/
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