Attachment in Older Child Adoption

When we decided to pursue an older child, I began looking for resources on older child adoption.  What I discovered is that many "experts" consider "older" child adoption to be kids between 3 and approximately 8 yrs of age.  Well, needless to say, many of the suggested techniques for attaching with a 3-8 yr old do NOT work well with a 10 and 14 yr old boy. 

Somehow, I don't think either one of them would EVER let me rock them or feed them a bottle!

So, for the past year, we have kind of been making it up as we go along.  I think we have made some great progress, but I have now found a book which specifically addresses attachment in older/teen children.  The interesting part, is that it is NOT an adoption book.  However, the book, IMHO, speaks directly to our older adopted kids.

The title of the book is Hold On To Your Kids:  Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate.  Their premise is that our biological kids have become more peer-oriented than parent-oriented and that is the underlying cause of many problems seen with teens today.  At one point in the book, he even states that the epitome of peer-oriented culture is an orphanage or a street-gang, so I definately think this book is applicable to those of us adopting older kids. 

The book is divided into five parts: 

• The Phenomenon of Peer Orientation
• Sabatoged:  How Peer Orientation Undermines Parenting
• Stuck in Immaturity:  How Peer Orientation Stunts Healthy Development
• How to Hold on to our Kids (or How to Reclaim Them)
• Preventing Peer Orientation

While I won't give an exhaustive review of the book, I do plan on highlighting some keep points from "How to Reclaim Them" as this is the key area for attachment in older child adoption. 

Unfortunately, due to my extremely hectic schedule, you're going to have to wait for the installments as I will be getting to them soon.  But I have found this book so helpful, that I wanted to go ahead and get the title out there for others who might be interested.