HJ is 7. She has been home now for over 5 yrs. Yet she still misses her "China mom" (foster mom). I admit, I have a hard time understanding this. I'm not sure that she really remembers her foster mom. We do have a picture of her that sits on HJ's dresser. Nearly every night and especially at bath time, HJ talks about her "China mom".
I'm not sure what to do to help her through this part of her story. We talk about her foster mom. We pray for her foster mom. We even sent her foster mom a letter while we were in China for the boys' adoption. But unfortunately, we have gotten no response. I know she needs to process this piece of information to get past it. I just don't know how to best do it.
HJ is from an orphanage that does a LOT of international adoptions. They were one of the first SWIs to place kids internationally. There are MANY kids and many foster parents. But no other child (at least on her SWI yahoo group) seems to have been fostered by HJ's foster parents. With so much discussion on the adoption forums lately about birth parents, tt makes me wonder about who they are.
I will probably never know.
In the meantime, any suggestions on how to help her process this part of her story - other than time and patience?
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. Matthew 13:44-46
4 comments:
My daughter also misses her foster mother. My daughter is 5 years old; adopted at the age of 2.5 years old. She doesn't seem to recall anything really of her life before we adopted her. Or at least that she knows how to articulate. We have photos of her and her foster mother. We also send letters to her occasionally through Ann at http://www.redthreadchina.com/. We have received a few letters back. You could actually have Ann telephone the foster mom and maybe find out if she wants to be contacted by your daughter. Then take it from there?
Our Ahnalin talks occasionally of missing her Chinamama. After seeing Kung Fu Panda 2, the topic came up again and has been part of our daily conversations quite a bit lately. We have photos of her foster mother, and know her name. But when we wrote letters to her, we never heard back. Ahnalin prays for her Chinamama sometimes. Today she cried when thinking about her. But it comes and goes. She goes in spurts with it. I just let her talk and ask her questions. Sometimes it helps to do some artwork. We have a bag that holds artwork she has made for her. She knows that if we ever get the chance to meet her, we will give those things to her. It seems to help.
As you know, our J is the same age as HJ and has been home also for 5 years. She has struggled for years about missing her foster mom. she has cried for hours before saying how she misses her. We were fortunate enough that when we went to China last year to adopt E, one of our travel buddies was adopting from J's SWI so we asked if they could give them letters & photos from J. they did pass it on. We of course have not heard anything. But we also did not leave any contact info for us. J's foster mom has fostered many children and we know just from meeting her that she does not get attached to the kids. It's hard for us to know how to help J. We try to talk her through it. And we remind her how much we love her. We have told her (and our other kids) that when they are older, we do plan on taking them back to China and seeing where they are from. I think that helps. And I don't think J actually remembers her life before we adopted her. She just knows that she has a foster mom who took care of her. And she also has the pictures that they gave us. If you find anything that works for HJ, please let me know.
She might really need to travel back. She's at a good age to go see her orphanage and if possible her foster family. I'm sure that would be hard with your recent trip to get the boys. I was able to take both my kids back about 3 years after each's adoption and it was a very good trip for each. Cathy
Post a Comment