Rules

When kids transition into adolescence, they begin to stretch their wings and want more independence.  This is normal and natural.  However, they must show responsibility that matches the level of desired independence.  Unfortunately, our older internationally adopted kids are many times more used to having independence without any responsibility.  As a result, when we try to limit independence and/or couple it with responsibility, they have a hard time with it.

Many of our older kids had few rules to live by in the orphanage.  Generally, it was go to school and be back in time for bed.  Of course, bed-time was typically later than many American parents might institute based on age.  They had freedom to do pretty much anything they wanted in between.  This consisted of going anywhere they wanted, watching anything they wanted (on TV or the computer or elsewhere), reading anything they wanted, eating anything they wanted, doing anything they wanted (on the computer or elsewhere).  Once they are in a loving family here, they want the same freedoms.  However, many times they don't get what they want because the parents realize that level of freedom is not safe or appropriate for them.  This can makes things quite difficult.

In addition, because our kids don't always have the reasoning skills, they don't understand that these rules are in place for a reason - to protect them.  In fact, they may feel they don't need protection because they fended for themselves just fine in China (they think).  It is a hard line to draw, but it must be drawn.

They have to understand that if they choose to break the rules, they choose to accept the consequences.  If they don't learn this from their parents, they will learn it from the police/justice system later in life.