If you missed part 1 and part 2, click on the links below
Now I Know Why - Part 1
Now I Know Why - Part 2
On Dec 20th, the Monday after we sent in our LOI for TJ, I read a friend's blog about a young man who needed a family. This boy's story really struck a chord with me so I began to advocate for him as well as pray for him to find a family. Our entire family joined in on the prayers for this boy.
On Dec 23rd, I heard there was a very active thread about him on an adoption forum which I don't read. So, I jumped over there and caught up with his story. While reading the thread, I discovered there was a family who was trying to bring him home, but their agency was not cooperating.
On Dec 24th, I e-mailed the main advocate on the adoption forum asking if there was anything I could do to help this family.
On Sunday Dec 26th, I asked our agency for the boy's file so that I could more effectively advocate for him and answer any questions that were asked.
By Monday Dec 27th, it was becoming obvious that this family was going to have a HUGE uphill battle trying to convince their agency to let them proceed. The family was also having trouble with their Social Worker and funding issues. I contacted the advocate and offered a donation to this family to help with their funding issues. In the meantime, I had talked to CP about this boy and got a "No". It wasn't so much the boy himself, just that we would be adding TWO boys at once to our family of four children.
On Tuesday 12/28, I called our SW to talk to him about the possibility. He was very concerned about us trying to adopt this boy for a number of reasons. He said he understands our compassion for these kids, but that we can't "rescue" all of them. I tried to reason with him some, but also told him I understood his concerns. He said he was not in favor of it, but he wasn't opposed to it. He also said that if we truly felt this was God's will for our family, that he would not stand in our way.
Our agency had been unable to locate the boy's file on the computer system, but finally on Wed Dec 29th, they found it and sent it to me.
I also asked the main advocate to give the other family our e-mail in the hopes that I could help her in any way possible to bring this boy home - especially since it appeared that God was not opening the doors for us. The other family did contact me and we began a long e-mail conversation. I let her know that I was interested in this boy, but that CP was not.
On Thursday morning, Dec 30th, I was reading in my Bible from Revelation 21. It talks about the new heaven and the new earth and the old heaven and the old earth passing away. I thought about a new life for this boy and the old life being left behind him. Then I got to verse 7 and it says "He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and
he will be my son. " (bold mine) I began to wonder if God was working things out behind the scenes for us.
That day, the other family's agency finally relented and agreed to let them pursue the boy's adoption. I wasn't sure what to make of this news. Later that evening, however, she e-mailed me and explained that they still had to convince their social worker, raise funds for two adoptions in five weeks and figure out how they were going to handle their kids at home for the trip. She asked if we wanted to adopt the boy.
My heart dropped.
I e-mailed her back and said that CP still said "No" and that they needed to continue to try. However, I told my family that night (who had all been praying for him to have a family at dinner and bedtime) that it looked like the boy was not going to have a family.
JA, who had been most interested in this boy finding a family, took it upon himself to pray right then and asked God if we could be his family. He finished and then asked to talk to me. He told me what he had done, but then added that "God said 'Yes'" I explained to him that this was wonderful news, but that CP also needed to say "Yes" for this to happen. Unbeknownst to me, he then talked to CP about us adopting the boy.
A little while later, CP came over to me and mentioned that it was a nice night for a walk. So we went for a walk. I was bound and determined NOT to bring the subject up. I knew that if this adoption was meant to be, then he had to be the one to bring it up - I did NOT want to push him into something that he seemed so clearly against. It wasn't until we actually got back to our house and we were standing in the driveway that he mentioned the boy. He told me that JA had talked to him and asked if I was going to try and convince him to change his mind. I told him "No, you need to come to a decision on your own. You have valid concerns and this is a HUGE decision". We talked at length and I finally told him that he didn't have to give me an answer that night, but that he would need to make a decision soon or it would be too late for this boy.
On Friday Dec 31st, I asked God that morning to please let us be the boy's family but only if it was His will. I didn't want to force things like Abraham did with Ishmael. We all know how that has turned out :-/
I spent my lunch time in prayer for this boy. I turned to 2 Chron 6 where I read this on the sidebar of my Bible. "Others may doubt our sincerity, our passion and our purpose, but God, who looks beyond what others see, knows our genuine heart's desire." This made me think of our SW who felt that we were pursuing the boy only because we felt sorry for him and our desire to "rescue" him. While the fact that he was losing his chance for a family certainly played a part - it wasn't the only part. I had never felt a fire burn in me before the way a fire burned in me when I read that blog post about him. I knew I had to do something. The last phrase "our genuine heart's desire" also spoke to me since Psalm 37:4 (Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. ) was the verse I held on to during HJ's adoption.
I then started reading 2 Chron 6 and ended up at v32 "As for the foreigner who does not belong to your people Israel but has come from a distant land because of your great name and your mighty hand and your outstretched arm" it was a confirmation to me that the boy would become our son.
About 30 minutes later, CP called me. He said "Yes".
After I hung up the phone, I turned to my blog list. Near the top was a friend's (who I had met at the Steven Curtis Chapman concert in October) blog. She is adopting from Ethiopia and had recently received her referral. I clicked on her blog
http://embracingtheleastofthese.blogspot.com/2010/12/sibling-group-update.html and her post was about a sibling group that was being adopted. She linked to the family’s blog here
http://wallingadoption.blogspot.com/2010/12/severely-off-her-rocker.html so of course, I followed the link… and I read “our” story (a family interested in waiting children – the mom who is “off her rocker” and the dad who was skeptical about adding more than one child at a time; two interested families – one of whom was running into difficulties due to finances and the kids at home and the other who didn't have as many obstacles to overcome) If this wasn’t a confirmation from God that we were supposed to bring this boy home, I can’t think of anything else.
Then, I clicked back over to my e-mail (in tears of joy, mind you) and saw this subject “Adopted Teen Troubles”. It was from “Parenting Today’s Teens” with Mark Gregston
http://www.heartlightministries.org/blogs/markgregston/ . It is a daily e-mail I have been getting for months now. Now, you might think this subject line would scare me off, but instead, it THRILLED me that GOD would send this e-mail the very day that we agreed to adopt a teen boy from China.
The text of the e-mail said this:
Adopted teens sometimes struggle more during the teen years than their non-adopted peers.
When an adopted teen wrestles with the who or why of their adoption, adolescence can turn into an emotionally super-charged time of life. Even though their struggles surround issues unique to their adoption, the right approach by the adoptive parents can make all the difference. They can help the child deal with his questions appropriately, or send him off the deep end of frustration.
So, treat your adopted child’s struggles in the teen years as openly and as honestly as possible. It is usually only for a short time. And in their anger and rejection, keep the mindset that “It’s not about you,” because it really isn’t.
This gives me hope – and something to cling to when the difficulties come. If this doesn’t show how AWESOME God is, I don’t know what does.
Oh yeah, you want to know who the boy is, here is his picture
He turns 14 on February 9th. And we will become his family on February 7th or 8th!!!!
Praise GOD!!!
