Showing Hope

Saturday night, AT, SG, HJ and I took a trek over to Lakeland for the Steven Curtis Chapman concert.  We were volunteering for Show Hope again.  While there, we met some wonderful adoptive families and got to work again with a sweet lady from north of our hometown.  (We've volunteered with her 3 times now!)  The girls also made friends with some other girls that were there to volunteer also.  The funny thing is that all the girls shared names!

Widows and (Former) Orphans

After Sunday School yesterday morning, JA told me that the youth leaders were asking for boys to help with a Valentine's banquet they were hosting for the widows of the church.  After getting the details, I thought this was a great idea and was excited that JA and BG wanted to participate.  I asked if they needed more boys and offered AT and TJ as well. 

So, after church, they gathered all of the widows in one of the classrooms.  While there, the youth girls sang to the ladies while the boys delivered roses to each of the ladies.

Then, the boys escorted the ladies over to the fellowship hall for their luncheon. 

The boys seated the ladies and then seated themselves.  After the luncheon, they played some games where they mixed up the tables so the youth and the widows were seated together and worked together on the games. 

I thought this was a wonderful way to look after the widows in the church.  Of course, it meant even more to me that my former orphans were participating in this event.  So while I was frustrated with the events of the morning, the event of the afternoon put a huge smile on my face (and a few tears in my eyes).  I am very pleased that this church is teaching the kids how to live out the Bible - which, of course, is very important, too.

²⁷ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Plea for an Aging Out Child

Ever since we brought BG home last year, my heart has been burdened even more for the kids who age out of international adoption.  As a result, I set up a blog dedicated to highlighting those kids from all around the world whose chance at a family is quickly slipping away.  Today, I have highlighted one such child on my other blog
http://youroutstretchedarm.blogspot.com/2011/12/urgent-kate-march-1998.html

Please take a moment to go check out Kate and the other kids posted there.  Even if you can't bring one of these kids home, can you please pray that these kids will find their families?

Our Story

Our church is doing a series on Changed Lives. As a part of this, they asked members of the church who would like to share how God has changed their life to share their story. I was blessed to be able to share our story. You can watch it here Changed

A Thanksgiving Perspective

On this Thanksgiving,
I am surrounded by a feast beyond compare;
143 million children are wondering if there will be enough to eat.

I am surrounded by friends and family;
143 million children are taken care of by government-paid workers or worse yet, no one.

I am surrounded by advertisements beckoning me to purchase the latest hot merchandise;
143 million children are digging through trash to find a thrown out pair of shoes to wear.

I am surrounded by grown men fighting over a brown ball and trying to move it 100 yrds;
143 million chidren are fighting to survive another day on the streets.

I am surrounded by gridlock on the highways and in the airports;
143 million children are walking to the nearest pond/lake/river to get water for the day.

I am surrounded by bottled water, soda, ice tea, coffee, and alcoholic beverages;
143 million children drink dirty water filled with parasites, diseases, and germs.

I am blessed by God;
143 million children are loved by God .

I am surrounded by 224 million "Christians" in the US (Adherents.com);
143 million children are "the least of these".

I am a sheep;
What are you?

All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ... The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

Matt 25: 32,40

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Adoptions, Disruptions, and Orphanages

There is an article in the New York Times that discusses Adoption, Disruption and Orphanages in Russia in light of what happened recently. It is an incredibly honest article about the struggles that exist even with domestic adoptions ("She said 30,000 children in the last three years inside Russia were sent back to institutions by their adoptive, foster or guardianship families.")

They also realize that orphanages are necessary until the underlying issues are addressed ("But the system’s defenders said that until the government figures out how to cut down on social problems like drug and alcohol abuse to improve family life, there is no alternative.")

It also addresses the ugly fact that orphanages are good for their economy and therefore there isn't as much incentive to keep families together ("The Russian government spends roughly $3 billion annually on orphanages and similar facilities, creating a system that is an important source of jobs and money on the regional level — and a target for corruption. ")

It addresses alot of the issues we have been discussing here with the exception of the adoptive parent preparation. That is actually discussed on the blog where I originally found out about the article

I agree that adoptive parents need to be better educated about the issues surrounding adoption and not just older child adoption. Though Hague attempts to do this with the 10hr training requirement, I don't believe it really hits the mark. Some agencies/social workers do a good job of this - others don't. I'm not sure how to solve this problem.

We were instructed to complete the Hague training at Adoption Learning Partners (working on it), but I am also reading LOTS of blogs from real families with real issues as well as other books on the issues we can expect to face. I'll admit that I thought I was prepared to bring our DD home at 28mo and understood many of the issues, but looking back, I now realize I didn't know half of what I needed to know. So, I go into this adoption (of a 9 yr old) knowing that I won't know everything that I need to know, but also knowing a lot better of where to turn to find out the answers.

Aging out of US Foster Care

Below are some statistics on kids that age out of US foster care without having been adopted. These are kids that live in a western, democratic society, with fewer societal stigmas associated with females/orphans/special needs who have been afforded the opportunity for a free education.

Why would we think things would be BETTER for orphans in most other countries with more social stigmas and less economic opportunity? The bottom line is - growing up without a loving committed family does not usually lead to a successful outcome - no matter where you live.

4-6 years after aging out:
16% of males were incarcerated
24% of young adults had been homeles
28% had couch surfed
21% were living with bio parents or other relatives
75% had a high school diploma/GED
6% had a 2/4 yr degree
48% were employed at the time of the survey
hourly wage was between $9.45 and $10.14
75% of females (including 89% of custodial mothers) and 33% of males had received government benefits
75% of females had been pregnant (66% more than once)
42% of males had been arrested
20% of females had been arrested
23% of males had been convicted of a crime
8% of females had been convicted of a crime
source: Midwest Study of Kids that aged out of foster care

International Adoption - Peeling back the onion

Ok, I probably shouldn't, but I'm going to jump into this fray...
Ever since the earthquake in Haiti and the return of the young boy to Russia, there have been a number of blog posts (1) (2), editorial comments, and newspaper articles about the subject of International Adoption and some specifically about Christians and adoption.

There is one camp that believes that International Adoption should not be considered as an option for a child until at least 3 years (or more) has passed since the child was separated from their parents.

There are some that believe that a child should never be adopted internationally - that removing them from their birth culture is a terrible thing.

There are some that believe that adoption is "rescuing" a child.

I don't believe any of these. If we want to eliminate International Adoption, we must eliminate the NEED for international adoption. To do that, we need to first understand WHY a child is even available for adoption. This is not an easy answer as the answer depends a lot on what country the child was born in.

In China, most children are available for adoption because their parents have given them up for adoption (i.e. abandoned) because they want a male child, don't want a child with a physical disability or birth defect, or simply can't afford to raise the child.

In many African countries, many children are available for adoption as a result of the HIV crisis.

In South American countries, Eastern European countries and Haiti, many children are available because their parents are simply too poor to take care of the child or as a result of cultural attitudes towards birth defects/disabilities.

To address these issues will take a many-pronged approach. In places like China, it will require changing government laws as well as cultural attitudes. However, many might argue that their culture is THEIR culture and we should not try to change it. So be it. But that leaves the door WIDE OPEN for international adoption.

In places like Africa, it means providing AIDS treatment and educating people regarding the disease and how it is transmitted. It may mean changing cultural attitudes. However, there are MANY children already orphaned by AIDS. These children MUST have an opportunity to grow up in a loving family.

In places like South America, Eastern Europe, America and Haiti, eliminating the need for international adoption means working to provide a stable and growing economy where everyone has an opportunity to earn a decent living to provide for their families. Notice, I DIDN'T say, providing food and clean water - though this is a viable short term solution.

In America and other countries, it also means eliminating the problem of neglect and abuse. The root of these issues is predominantly drug and alcohol abuse. Eliminating the orphans as a result of this requires eliminating drug and alcohol abuse. If anyone knows the solution to this particular problem, I think you would be a billionaire.

The CHURCH is slowly working on these issues - however, it is happening mainly via para-church organizations such as Compassion International, World Vision, and Children's Hope Chest (I'll address my own personal journey in this area in another post)

Here is what I believe is best for children:

It is BEST for a child to never be removed from their family. Until the above root causes are resolved, this remains an elusive option for many children.

I believe that it would be 2nd BEST for a child to be adopted by a loving family in their country of origin - preferably a relative. Unfortunately, this option is not available to many kids due to cultural notions (adopted children are 2nd class children, restaviks) and the added cost of supporting another child.

I beleive that it would be 3rd BEST for a child to be adopted by a loving family internationally. This option IS available, but unfortunately, MANY people/organizations are opposed to this solution

I believe that the 4th BEST option for a child is to be in a foster care situation in their country of origin. Yes, I place this AFTER international adoption. A permanent, committed family, IMO, is ALWAYS better than a temporary solution. (Just ask any kid who has aged out of foster care here in America).

I believe that the LAST resort is for a child to live in an institution in their home country.

So, for better or worse, to address the fundamental issue of orphans, there should be LONG TERM efforts underway to effect the changes necessary for biological parents to raise their children. Until that happens, I'll continue to support Domestic/International adoption as the backup solution to a huge problem.

Treasured Pearls

I have changed the name of our blog (though not the address) in response to two things. First, since we are adding to our family again, we will no longer be a family of six. Second, I was reading a friend's blog post and something just struck me. Part of her post says

"I'm seeing it with fresh eyes after spending weeks and weeks with children on the other side of the world who are treasures just waiting to be found. Riches stored in secret places."

and it made me think of Matthew 13:44-46

The Parables of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl44"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.
45"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

I know Jesus was talking about the Kingdom of Heaven, but I couldn't help but think of the treasure and the pearls as orphans hidden in orphanages amongst so many. I don't want to take anything away from my biological children, but I do feel as though my adopted children are treasures and pearls that I had to search for to find. I also don't want to imply that I "bought" my children, but rather I see this as the man in the parable being willing to do whatever it took to be able to bring the treasure and the pearl into his world.

If you knew there was a treasure just waiting for you and you knew where it was - what would you do? Would you go about your daily life as if the treasure didn't exist? Or would you do everything in your power to be able to go and retrieve that treasure?

There are 147 MILLION treasures and pearls waiting for you - they can be found in orphanages in China, Ethiopia, India, Guatemala, Russia, Ukraine, and VietNam. They can be found in the US in foster homes and group homes. God calls children a treasure. When are you going to do everything you can to bring your treasure home?

As a result of NOT receiving the Memo

God has really been moving in my heart over the last few years in regards to the poor and the orphans. This has really exploded in my life lately as a result of listening to the series Radical Christianity. As a result, based on Deut 14:28-29, we are moving our tithe this year from our local church to ministries that are specifically targeting the poor and the orphans. As I mentioned in this post, we are now sponsoring 4 kids through Compassion International. In addition, we are sponsoring a boy and a girl through Amazima Ministries. Further, we will be helping the Haitian Orphan Relief Team via the Global Orphan Project. What I really like about Global Orphan Project is that 100% of donations go to the kids. All of their administrative costs are covered by the founders via profits from their business.

At the end of every three years, bring all the tithes of that year's produce and store it in your towns, so that the Levites (who have no allotment or inheritance of their own) and the aliens, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns may come and eat and be satisfied, and so that the LORD your God may bless you in all the owrk of your hands. Deut 14:28-29

The Memo

I didn't get the memo. I hope you didn't get it either. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go read this blog post
We didn't Get the Memo

New Focus

It's been a while since I've posted. Life has been busy. However, I am feeling a desire to change the focus of my blog from one of focusing on my family to one that focuses on issues that I feel are important. This includes my family, adoption, orphan care, politics, and homeschooling. Hopefully, my blog won't become too schizophrenic.

Orphan Clock

At church today, our pastor showed a "world clock" which showed the number of births, deaths, and abortions as they are occurring. What was conspicuously missing was the number of orphans.
So, I am going to attempt to include an "Orphan Clock" on my blog.

Adoption/Orphan Ministry

I feel that God has called me into Adoption/Orphan Ministry. As I don't have a lot of experience in this area, I am starting this adventure on a volunteer basis. My initial goal is to start an adoption/orphan ministry at our church. Today, the proposal goes before our board of elders. Please pray that they will have God's heart for orphans and allow us to move forward.